Answer
by a. loquita
Summary: Occurs somewhere in the beginning of series three


"Answer"

It was a bright, warm Sunday afternoon in Ballykissangel. The town was gathered in the grassy common area across from St. Joseph's to watch the annual hospital fundraising event. Last year, it was a slave auction, which brought in record funds. This year, Brain Quigley was running the "Ballykissangel Dating Game" fashioned after the old television show.

Donel was on stage, with microphone in hand. To his left, a large divider was positioned so he couldn't see past. Brain Quigley was on the other side moving between three female contestants, holding the second microphone for the women as they responded to Donel's questions. The crowd, of course, could see the whole of the action and were enthralled with it, some even shouting out suggestions for questions Donel should ask.

Peter finished up with his tasks following mass, including tallying the meager offering and entering it into the books. Before he left for the fundraiser, Peter decided to change into civvies. Fr. Mac caught up with Peter exiting his house wearing jeans and a blue shirt.

Fr. Mac scowled. "I was told by a concerned member of our community that you intend to participate in this fundraising event." He pinned Peter with a glare.

Peter shrugged and started walking. "I participated last year."

"And look where that got you."

Peter stuffed his hands into his pockets and clamped down on his urge to give an angry reply. Fr. Mac never missed an opportunity these days to remind him just how unhappy he was with Peter's past choices and most likely would be unhappy with Peter's future choices as well. Fr. Mac also never failed to jump at a chance to insult Assumpta. Before that happened, Peter attempted to steer the conversation back to the point at hand.

"We, as the clergy, are expected to set an example to the community that charity is important and is a valuable use of our time." Peter tossed a look at Fr. Mac as he spoke. "I'm not signed in to participate in the event but I've told Brian I'd be there in support. I suppose we can compromise, I'll volunteer to be the only representative of the parish on this particular charity event."

"Fine," Fr. Mac said dismissively. Then thought again, realized he'd been duped, and turned to comment. "I'm not suggesting-"

But the two had arrived at that moment, and Peter moved off into the crowd before Fr. Mac could say more.

On stage, Donel had just chosen Bachelorette number two, who happened to be Deirdre. The crowd cheered as the couple now exited stage right together.

Brian Quigley dashed to the wings and saw Fr. Clifford just arrive. "Oh, thank God, we've lost one and we needed… well, anyone will do!" Brian waved Peter up onstage. Already seated there was Liam and a young man who worked for the butcher in Cilldargan named Ron. Peter was led to the empty chair and took a seat.

"Right," Brian announced to the crowd through the microphone, "our next contestant will pick between these three available, successful, handsome bachelors." Brian's eyes settled on Liam in the first chair and amended his statement. "Well, at least two out of the three can be described that way." The crowd laughed.

"Next, we'll bring out our contestant. She runs the local pub and some say is the local catch of the day, Assumpta Fitzgerald."

As the crowd clapped and Assumpta took her place, Brain leaned into Liam's ear and covered the microphone. "And then again, some say she's the local nightmare of the century. Are you sure you want to do this Liam?"

Liam misunderstood, looked at the other two bachelors, and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Comparatively speaking, I'd say my chances are fantastic."

Peter heard the name of the Bachelorette and tried not to show any visible response to it. He also avoided looking at Fr. Mac in the crowd, certain his eyes were currently shooting darts.

"Ahm," Assumpta's eyes searched the crowd for Niamh. Her friend held up two fingers. "Bachelor number two, what do you like to do on a night out?"

Ron took the microphone and said. "It depends I suppose, maybe catch a film or drinks at the pub."

Peter was convinced there was no way Assumpta was going to pick him anyway. It was just a matter of getting through the next few minutes. She'll pick Ron because Peter was certain Assumpta would rather put needles in her eye than go on a date with Liam, and that would be that. The thought of Assumpta with Ron made Peter's stomach turn uncomfortably but he buried it.

Assumpta spoke into the microphone again. "Bachelor number one, same question"

Liam leaned in and announced proudly. "Get langered." The crowd chuckled.

"Right," Assumpta tried not to roll her eyes. She was not going anywhere for any amount of charity with Liam.

"Bachelor number three, what is the most beautiful part of a woman and why?"

Peter turned bright red. Some in the crowd laughed or cheered at the idea that Fr. Clifford would have to answer this question. Assumpta was confused by the crowd's response until she heard the familiar voice over the speaker system.

"Well," Peter said, trying to buy time as he thought of something truthful but not inappropriate for a priest to say. Assumpta's eyes were the thing he was most captured by on that first day in her van. "Someone once said a person's eyes are the windows to their soul. I believe that, and also that everyone's soul is unique and beautiful. So, I would say the eyes."

Ron was amused by such a priestly response. He took the microphone. "I'd tell you what's most beautiful about you, Assumpta, but this is a family event we're holding here so..." The crowd laughed. "I can say there is two of 'em but they're certainly not your eyes, Love."

There were a few woof whistles from the back of the crowd and Assumpta resisted the urge to return a scathing remark to Bachelor number two.

Peter looked to Brain, hoping he'd gain control of the situation and not allow Assumpta to be embarrassed.

But the point of this show was the money raised by the crowd voting for the bachelor they wanted to see chosen by the contestant. People in the crowd were now putting money into Ron's box number two in front, where Assumpta could see their votes. Brain was only concerned with keeping those funds coming in. He requested, "Next question for Bachelor number two, Assumpta, please."

Assumpta wanted to ask something like, 'What would you do if I put a knee to your groin,' but she took a breath. She had a better idea. "Bachelor number two, do you respect Bachelor number three?"

Ron was a bit thrown by such an unexpected question. He looked at Fr. Clifford, then out at the crowd where some his friends were prompting him. Assumpta's feelings about the church were well known to all. Ron said, "I don't go to church."

"That's not what I asked." Assumpta kept the snippiness out of her tone as much as she could. But Peter could hear it, he wondered if Liam would be chosen after all. And also, he wondered where this was going. It was one of many times when he couldn't figure out what Assumpta was thinking.

Ron was really struggling now, and the crowd hushed. Ron declared, "I don't hate him if that's what you mean. But I don't understand it, I mean, I like shagging loads of girls, way to much to choose celibacy."

Ron's friends cheered as Fr. Mac closed his eyes in aggravation.

Brendan and Siobhan glanced at each other, both thinking the same thing. Assumpta wasn't going to pick any of the three, then what would Brian do?

"Right," Assumpta was fuming now. "Since Bachelors one and two need to mature before any woman would even consider dating them, and seeing as Bachelor three is the only one of the lot I respect, that's my choice."

"But," Brain jumped up and came around the divider to her, "you can't choose yet, we only just started."

"I only got to answer one question!" Liam was outraged.

"I've chosen and we're done," Assumpta insisted and exited the stage in a huff.

In the crowd, Niamh found Assumpta. "What an awful one, that Ron. Who knew he could be like that?" Niamh's gaze wandered over to him now. "But he's terribly handsome, don't you think?"

Assumpta glared at Niamh as her only response. Brendan made his way to the stage to be the next contestant.

Fr. Mac interrupted Peter, Padraig, and Kevin talking together near the edges of the crowd. "Fr. Clifford, I hope you realize you'd better not go through with this."

Padraig answered on Peter's behalf. "Ah, come on now, it's only for fun. It's completely innocent everyone knows. Even Kev here." Padraig elbowed his son. "You don't care, do ya, Kev."

Kevin shrugged, "Nah."

"Innocent," Fr. Mac turned to Fr. Clifford. "Just be sure it stays that way."

As Fr. Mac left, Peter offered by way of thanks, "Buy you a beer, Padraig?"

Padraig smiled. "Love one."

They entered the empty pub and could hear bangs and clangs from somewhere in the back indicating Assumpta was in the kitchen.

"Assumpta," Padraig called out, "customers."

"Be right th-" But a loud crash interrupted her. Padraig, Peter, and Kevin all dashed back.

"You alright?" Peter asked. A box lay at her feet, broken glass was scattered.

"Yah," Assumpta answered. "Kevin, could you take Finn out of here, I don't want him gettin' any glass in his paws." Kevin took the dog and left.

Peter found the broom. "What happened?"

"Oh, don't worry about it." Assumpta reached for the broom to stop Peter from cleaning it up. "I can do it, and anyway it's my fault for trying to put a box of new glasses up on a high shelf."

Padraig teased, "We sent you away to Uni for that insight?"

"I'm your slave, right?" Peter pointed out. "I'll clean this up for you."

"You're not my slave, that was last year. You're supposed to take me on a date this year." Assumpta swept as she spoke. "And how is it that I always end up with you every year, anyway?"

Peter smiled and leaned against the doorframe. He reminded, "It's you that's picked me, both times."

"Is there a return policy?" Assumpta asked dryly. Padraig left, recognizing Assumpta was fine and all was normal since she was mocking Peter just like always.

Peter watched Assumpta sweep and noticed the sway of her hips as she moved. Something tightened in his belly.

"Peter, you don't have to do anything. I just wasn't going to spend even five minutes with either of those other two."

"I would worry about you if you did."

"You worry about me?" Assumpta looked up at Peter. The room was instantly charged. The smile on her face faded, and she couldn't pull her eyes away from him. It was like a magnet drawing her, and she wasn't strong enough to fight it. "Peter, I-"

Padraig yelled out from the bar. "Mind if I get it myself, Assumpta, since it's taking you so long."

"Yeah, fine, Padraig." She yelled back. It allowed Peter the chance to escape the kitchen and the moment.

Peter sat down while Padraig was still behind the bar. He teased, "Pour me one as well, barman."


End file.
